WELL I BROUGHT MY
OWN 45'S
SO IF YOU PUT 'EM
ON I'LL SHOW YOU
MY STUFF
HAVEN'T YOU SHOWN
US ENOUGH
ALREADY
OH MY GOD
HOW TIMES
HAVE CHANGED
THIS GIRL'S
EITHER BLIND OR
COMPLETELY
DERANGED
AH BUT TIME
SEEMED TO HALT
WHEN I WAS 'MISS
BALTIMORE
CRABS'
CHILDHOOD DREAMS
FOR ME WERE
CRACKED
WHEN THAT DAMN
SHIRLEY TEMPLE
STOLE MY
FRICKIN' ACT
BUT THE CROWN'S
IN THE VAULT
FROM WHEN
I WAS 'MISS
BALTIMORE
CRABS'
THOSE POOR
RUNNER-UPS
MIGHT STILL HOLD
SOME GRUDGES
THEY PADDED
THEIR CUPS
BUT I SCREWED
THE JUDGES
THOSE BROADS
THOUGHT
THEY'D WIN
IF A PLATE
THEY WOULD
SPIN IN THEIR DANCE
UH
NOT A CHANCE
'CAUSE I HIT
THE STAGE
BATONS
ABLAZE
WHILE BELTING
HIGH 'C'S
AND PREPARING
SOUFLEES
BUT THAT TRIPLE
SOMERSAULT
WAS HOW I CLINCHED
'MISS BALTIMORE
CRABS'
YOU'RE TOO WIDE
FROM THE BACK
HONEY LOOK AT
HER FRONT
WAIT ARE WE
ON CANDID
CAMERA
OKAY WHERE
IS ALLEN FUNT
DO YOU DANCE LIKE
YOU DRESS
GIRLS THERE'S NO
NEED TO BE CRUEL
WOULD YOU SWIM IN
AN INTEGRATED POOL
I SURE WOULD
I'M ALL FOR
INTEGRATION
IT'S
THE NEW FRONTIER
NOT IN BALTIMORE
IT ISN'T
AND MAY
I BE FRANK
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
CAN BE TOUGH
AND WHEN I SAW YOU
I KNEW IT
IF YOUR SIZE
WEREN'T ENOUGH
YOUR LAST ANSWER
JUST BLEW IT
AND SO MY DEAR
SO SHORT AND STOUT
YOU'LL NEVER BE IN
SO WERE KICKING
YOU OUT
WITH YOUR FORM
AND YOUR FACE
WELL IT ISN'T
YOUR FAULT
YOU'RE JUST CAUGHT
WITH A CASE OF 'MISS
BALTIMORE
CRABS'
HA HA HA HA
THANK YOU
GEE TRACY
THAT WENT WELL
HI MA'AM
MAY I PLEASE
AUDITION
NO
BUT YOU CAN BOW
AND EXALT
'CAUSE I
WAS MISS
BALTIMORE
CRABS
HA HA HA HA