AND IF ONE DAY
I SHOULD BECOME
A SINGER WITH A SPANISH BUM
WHO SINGS FOR WOMEN
OF GREAT VIRTUE
I'D SING TO THEM WITH A GUITAR
I BORROWED
FROM A COFFEE BAR
WELL, WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW
DOESN'T HURT YOU
MY NAME WOULD BE ANTONIO
AND ALL MY BRIDGES
I WOULD BURN AND WHEN
I GAVE THEM SOME THEY'D KNOW
I'D EXPECT
SOMETHING IN RETURN
I'D HAVE TO GET DRUNK
EVERY NIGHT
AND TALK ABOUT VIRILITY
WITH SOME OLD GRANDMAMA
WHO MIGHT BE DECKED OUT
LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE
AND THOUGH PINK ELEPHANTS
I'D SEE, THOUGH I'D BE DRUNK
AS I COULD BE
STILL I WOULD SING MY SONG
TO ME, ABOUT THE TIME
THEY CALLED ME JACKIE
IF I COULD BE
FOR ONLY AN HOUR
IF I COULD BE
FOR AN HOUR EVERY DAY
IF I COULD BE
FOR JUST ONE LITTLE HOUR
A CUTE-CUTE
IN A STUPID ASS WAY
AND IF I JOINED
THE SOCIAL WHIRL
BECAME PROCURER
OF YOUNG GIRLS
THEN I WOULD HAVE
MY OWN BORDELLOS
MY RECORD
WOULD BE NUMBER ONE
AND I'D SELL RECORDS
BY THE TONNE
ALL SUNG BY
MANY OTHER FELLOWS
MY NAME WOULD THEN BE
HANDSOME JACK
AND I'D SELL BOATS OF OPIUM
WHISKEY THAT CAME
FROM TWICKENHAM
AUTHENTIC QUEERS
AND PHONY VIRGINS
IF I HAD BANKS ON EVERY FINGER
A FINGER IN EVERY COUNTRY
AND ALL THE COUNTRIES
RULED BY ME, I'D STILL KNOW
WHERE I'D WANNA BE...
LOCKED UP INSIDE MY OPIUM DEN
SURROUNDED BY SOME CHINA
MEN, I'D SING THE SONG
THAT I SANG THEN
ABOUT THE TIME
THEY CALLED ME JACKIE
IF I COULD BE
FOR ONLY AN HOUR
IF I COULD BE
FOR AN HOUR EVERY DAY
IF I COULD BE
FOR JUST ONE LITTLE HOUR
A CUTE-CUTE
IN A STUPID ASS WAY
NOW, TELL ME
WOULDN'T IT BE NICE
THAT IF ONE DAY IN PARADISE
I'D SING FOR ALL
THE LADIES UP THERE
AND THEY WOULD
SING ALONG WITH ME
WE'D BE SO HAPPY THERE TO BE
'CAUSE DOWN BELOW
IS REALLY NOWHERE
AND IF MY NAME WERE JUNIPER
THEN I WOULD KNOW
WHERE I WAS GOING
AND THEN I WOULD BECOME
ALL KNOWING, MY BEARD
SO VERY LONG AND FLOWING
IF I BECAME DEAF
DUMB AND BLIND
BECAUSE I PITIED ALL MANKIND
AND BROKE MY HEART TO MAKE
THINGS RIGHT, I'D KNOW THAT
EVERY SINGLE NIGHT
WHEN MY ANGELIC WORK
WAS THROUGH
THE ANGELS AND THE DEVIL TOO
WOULD SING MY CHILDHOOD
SONG TO ME, ABOUT THE TIME
THEY CALLED ME JACKIE
IF I COULD BE
FOR ONLY AN HOUR
IF I COULD BE
FOR AN HOUR EVERY DAY
IF I COULD BE
FOR JUST ONE LITTLE HOUR
A CUTE-CUTE
IN A STUPID ASS WAY.....