Okay
Listen up
I'm not gonna lie
Right now
you couldn't
frighten a fly
Or scare a seagull
off of a fry
You ever stop to ask
yourselves why
Both of you are
super polite
Middle class
suburban and white
Well all of that is
finished tonight
Except for the
white part obviously
Take your places
I want scary faces
Now go
Bigger further harder
Not bad
Sever a head
Preferably someone
you know
Look at me
I'm so scary
Don't be so vanilla
Would a little
anger kill ya
C'mon drop your panties
I'm trying to fill you
With wisdom and skill
And the instinct to kill
Again
we do not want
to kill anyone
Fine
But somehow someway
You gotta make
'em see ya'
I'm talkin' jump scares
The jerky Japanese
ghost-walk plus
Learn to throw
your voice
Fool your friends
Fun at parties
Now that is cool
I wanna do that
Whatever it takes to
make 'em go crazy
Raising the stakes by
punching a baby
Scare 'em awake 'til
they break
They'll be quaking
in fright
'Cause you've got some
evil deep down
inside you
Put all the farmer's
markets behind you
You've gotta work
Gotta haunt 'til it
hurts through the night
And give those guys the
fright of their lives
Yeah yeah
Let's start with things
that you hate
Hate's a very strong word
Perhaps when people
are late
Or getting pooped
on by birds
No what fills you
with rage
Being mean to a pet
Chefs who use too much
sage when they make
beurre noisette
Overglutinous food
Or when kids
call me dude
Oh I find that so rude
Well there's lots
there to use
Take a deep breath
And give me your best
primal scream
Haa
Barbara
that was brilliant
Really
Try it again
Maybe this time pretend
like you mean it
Oh
That was even better
Thanks
I want freedom
But to get my freedom
I need them
To get a living person
to say my name
Betelgeuse Betelgeuse
Betelgeuse
I know that beggars
can't be choosers
But do they have to
be such losers
Both of them are deathly
dull and lame
Betelgeuse Betelgeuse
Betelgeuse
Why God slash Satan
did you send these
bed wetters
Even like
a tax attorney
would've been better
Somebody with gravitas
Somebody to fear who
Excuse me Mr Betelgeuse
So we can kind of
hear you
Yeah
Well that was a soliloquy
so you're the one who's
being rude
Whatever it takes to
make 'em go crazy
Turn all the lights on
Dress like a baby
Adam I don't even no
Get your heads
in the game
Let's hide their phones
Screw their phones
Ugh these dopes are
both hopeless
How will I ever survive
Unless they get the
fright of their lives
Yes yes we're feelin' it
They're gonna feel it
we're killin' it
They gotta get the
fright of their lives
We're scary
very very scary
They'll never get the
fright of their lives
Yeah
Uh