Hey folks
begging your pardon
'Scuse me
sorry to barge in
Now let's skip the tears
and start on the whole
you know
being dead thing
You're doomed
Enjoy the singing
The sword of Damocles
is swinging
and if I hear
your cellphone ringing
I'll kill you myself
The whole being dead thing
Death can get
a person stressed
We should have
carped way more diems
Now we're never
gonna see 'em
I can show you
what comes next
so don't be freaked
Stay in your seats
I do this bullshit like
eight times a week
So just relax
You'll be fine
Drink your
fifty-dollar wine
and take a breath
Welcome to a show
about death
You're
You're gonna be fine
on the other side
Die you're all gonna die
You're all gonna die
I'll
I'll be your guide
to the other side
Oh and full disclosure
it's a show about death
Everybody gets on fine here
like Rodgers Hart
and Hammerstein here
The women's bathroom
has no line here
Just pee where you want
The whole being dead thing
You're just gonna love
the folks here
Yes I know you're woke
but you can
take a joke here
And every show I do
like a tonof coke here
The whole pahhah
The whole being dead thing
Nobody is bulletproof
I work out I eat clean
Jesus pass the Dramamine
Time to face
the brutal truth
'cause we're all
on a hitlist
Might not live
'till Christmas
Choke to death
on Triscuits
Hey that's just statistics
so take a little break here
Kinda like a wake here
The scenery is fake here
but there's
a giant snake here
Welcome to
a show about death
You're
You're gonna be fine
Thank you
on the other side
Howyou doin'
Not good
Babebababeboboobapboop
I'll
Hey I'll be your guide
to the other side
Seriously though
this is a show about
death
Death is taboo
but it's hardly
something new
There's nothing
medical
professionals
could do
'Cept maybe just bill you
If you die while
listening to this album
It's still gonna
keep playing
There's no destiny or fate
Just a terrifying wait
Filled with people
that you hate
and on a certain date
the universe kills you
That's the thing with life
No one makes it out alive
Toss that body in the pit
Gosh it's awful
ain't it tragic
Blah blah Bible Jesus magic
When you're dead
who gives a shit
No pilates no
more yoga
Namaste
you freakin' posers
From the cradle
to cremation
Death just needs
a little conversation
I have mastered the art
of tearing convention apart
so how about
we all make a start
on the whole
being dead thing
God I hope you're ready
for a show about death