WELL WHEN YOU GET
A HAIRCUT
YOU BETTER
GO BACK HOME
WHEN YOU GET
A HAIRCUT
GET A BARBER
YOU HAVE KNOWN
SINCE YOU WERE
A LITTLE BITTY BOY
SITTIN' IN A BOOSTER CHAIR
'CAUSE YOU MIGHT LOOK
LIKE LARRY MOE OR CURLY
IF A STRANGER
CUTS YOUR HAIR
WOAH LORD
WELL BUTTE MONTANA
JUST 'A PASSIN' THROUGH
ONE THING
I JUST HAD TO DO
HAD TO GET A HAIRCUT
AND I WAS WORRIED
FOR MY HAIR
I HAD A FEELING OF
IMPENDING DOOM
THE MINUTE I STEPPED
INTO THAT ROOM
AND LAID MY EYES UPON
THAT BARBER CHAIR
WOAH YEAH
IT WAS A MACHO
BARBER SHOP
HAIR DRYERS
WERE MOUNTED ON
A RIFLE RACK
WADN'T NO MIRRORS
BARBER CHAIR
WAS A PETERBILT
BARBER WALKED IN
HE WAS HUGE
SEVEN FEET TALL
THREE HUNDRED POUNDS
OF SPRING STEEL
AND RAWHIDE
WEARIN' A HARD HAT
CHEWIN' A CIGAR
HAD A T-SHIRT ON
THAT SAID
I HATE MUSICIANS
THREW ME IN THE CHAIR
SNEERED AND SAID
WHAT'LL IT BE PAL
NOW A LOT OF PEOPLE
WOULD BE INTIMIDATED
IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS
I WAS NOT
I AM WHAT I AM
PLAY MY PIANO
SING MY LITTLE SONGS
I LOOKED HIM
RIGHT IN THE EYE
I SAID
I'M A LOGGER
JUST UP FROM
COOS BAY OREGON
BEEN TOPPIN' TREES
QUITE POSSIBLY
THE TOUGHEST MAN
IN THE ENTIRE WORLD
HE SAID ALRIGHT
AND HE GAVE ME
A HAIRCUT
AND I WALKED OUT
OF THERE
MY HAIR WAS GONE
MADE KOJAK LOOK LIKE
BILL GOLDEN
YEAH
HAD A TREMENDOUS
CRAVING
TO OPERATE
HEAVY EQUIPMENT
NOW YOU MAY THINK THAT
THAT BUTTE MONTANA
HAIRCUT'S
THE WORST ANY MAN
COULD EVER GET
WRONG
WELL A FEW MONTHS
LATER I WAS IN L.A.
TRUCKIN' ALONG
ON A SMOGGY DAY
NEEDED A HAIRCUT SO BAD
I LOOKED LIKE
BOZO THE CLOWN
I WAS LOOKIN' SHAGGY
AND NOT TOO GOOD
I'D PUT IT OFF
AS LONG AS I COULD
LORD I HATE TO GET
A HAIRCUT OUT OF TOWN
WELL I WALKED IN
REALIZED IMMEDIATELY
THAT THIS GUY
WAS INTO PUNK ROCK
THE WALLS WERE DONE IN
BLACK LEATHER
HAD CHAINS AND WHIPS
AND HANDCUFFS
HANGIN' ON 'EM
BARBER WALKED IN
HE HAD ORANGE HAIR
BLACK MASCARA
STAINLESS STEEL TEETH
BLACK LEATHER JACKET
WITH ZINC STUDS
HE THREW ME
IN THE CHAIR
HIT ME A COUPLE OF TIMES
WHAP WHAP
CHAINED ME DOWN
THREW A NAZI FLAG
OVER ME
SAID I'M GONNA TELL YOU
SOMETHING
THAT MIGHT MAKE YOU
A LITTLE NERVOUS
I LAUGHED
HA HA HA HA HA
I SAID
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY
MAKE ME NERVOUS
HE SAID
I'M GAY
NO PROBLEM
I'M NOT THREATENED
IN ANY WAY
I MEAN I'M SECURE
IN MY MANHOOD
EVERYTHING IS COOL
I AM WHAT I AM
PLAY MY LITTLE PIANO
SING MY LITTLE SONGS
I LOOKED HIM
RIGHT IN THE EYE AND SAID
I'M A LOGGER
PLAYED FOOTBALL
IN HIGH SCHOOL
I WAS IN THE MARINE
CORPS
HE SAID ALRIGHT
HE GAVE ME A HAIRCUT
I WALKED OUT OF THERE
FRIENDS
AND MY HAIR WAS
PURPLE
WELL AT LEAST THAT
MOHAWK SECTION
DOWN THE MIDDLE
WAS PURPLE
HAD A WHITE STREAK
DOWN ONE SIDE
OTHER SIDE LOOKED LIKE
MR. T
HAD A COUPLE OF
SAFETY PINS
IN MY CHEEKS
FELT A TEENY BIT
CONSPICUOUS
LUCKILY MY NEXT JOB
WAS IN SAN FRANCISCO
SHOOT
I GOT UP THERE
I DIDN'T EVEN STAND OUT
AT ALL
WADN'T EVEN CLOSE
THOSE PEOPLE
THOUGHT I WAS AN
INSURANCE SALESMAN
WELL
A FEW MONTHS LATER
I WAS WAY DOWN SOUTH
GRITS AND GRAVY
AND HUSH 'A YOUR MOUTH
MY HAIR'S SO LONG
I WAS STARTIN' TO LOOK
LIKE A MAN IN DRAG
IT WAS THEN
THAT THE SHERIFF
CAME UP AND SAID
BOY YOU GOT TOO MUCH
HAIR ON YOUR HEAD
YOU BETTER GET YOURSELF
A HAIRCUT OR A DOG TAG
WELL WHEN I STEPPED
INTO THE SHOP
I REALIZED IMMEDIATELY
THAT I WAS DEALING
WITH A BORN AGAIN
BARBER
DON'T SEE TOO MANY
BARBER SHOPS
WITH A STEEPLE
HAD AN ORGAN
IN THE CORNER
CHOIR
AN USHER LED ME TO
THE BARBER CHAIR
BARBER WALKED IN
STARTED SAYIN' GRACE
OH LORD
FOR THESE HAIRCUTS
WE ARE ABOUT TO RECEIVE
MAY WE BE TRULY
THANKFUL
DOMINUS POSSUM
POX PROBISCUS
POST MORTEM
ET TU BRUTE
CRUELLA CARBERUNDUM
HE WAS SORT OF A
HALF BAPTIST
HALF CATHOLIC
KIND OF A CAPTIST
HE STARTED CUTTIN'
MY HAIR AND PREACHIN'
AT THE SAME TIME
I MEAN HE WAS
A WILD MAN
SCISSORS AND RAZORS
A FLYIN' AROUND MY HEAD
HE'S TALKIN' ABOUT
LIQUOR AND WILD WOMEN
AND MUSIC AND SEX
AND THE EVILS OF DANCIN'
AND THE MUSIC
BUSINESS IN GENERAL
THEN HE LOOKED DOWN
AT ME AND HE SAID
WHAT DO YOU DO
FOR A LIVING
NOW I'M NOT ASHAMED
OF WHAT I DO
FOR A LIVIN'
WORKIN' BARS
AND CASINOS
AROUND LIQUOR
AND WILD WOMEN
I JUST PLAY MY PIANO
SING MY LITTLE SONGS
I LOOKED HIM
RIGHT IN THE EYE AND SAID
I RUN THIS CHURCH
FOR LOGGERS
WHEN YOU GET A HAIRCUT
BE SURE
TO GO BACK HOME
WHEN YOU GET A HAIRCUT
GET A BARBER
YOU HAVE KNOWN
SINCE YOU WERE
A LITTLE BITTY BOY
SITTIN' IN A BOOSTER CHAIR
OR YOU MIGHT LOOK LIKE
LARRY MOE OR CURLY
IF A STRANGER
CUTS YOUR HAIR
OH YEAH