When you come
home to me
I'll wear a sweeter smile
And hope that
for a while you'll stay
Okay thank you
I'm climbing uphill Jamie
Climbing uphill
I'm up every morning at six
And standing in line
with two hundred girls
Who are younger
and thinner than me
Who have already
been to the gym
I'm waiting five hours in line
And watching the girls
just coming and going
in dresses that look just like this
Till my number is finally called
When I walk in the room
There's a table of men
Always men
usually gay
Who've been sitting like I have
and listening all day
To two hundred girls
belting as high as they can
I am a good person
I'm an attractive person
I am a talented person
Grant me grace
When you come home
I should have told them
I was sick last week
They're gonna think
this is the way I sing
Why is the pianist
playing so loud
Should I sing louder
I'll sing louder
Maybe I should stop
and start over
I'm gonna stop and start over
Why is the director
staring at his crotch
Why is that man
staring at my resume
Don't stare at my resume
I made up half of my resume
Look at me
Stop looking at that
look at me
No not at my shoes
Don't look at my shoes
I hate these stupid shoes
Why did I pick these shoes
Why did I pick this song
Why did I pick this career
Why does this pianist hate me
If I don't get a callback
I can go to Crate and Barrel
with mom and buy a couch
Not that I want to
spend a day with mom
But Jamie needs
space to write
Since I'm obviously
such a horrible annoying
distraction to him
What's he gonna be like
when we have kids
And once again
why am I working so hard
These are the people who cast
Russell Crowe in a musical
Jesus Christ
I suck I suck I suck
When finally you come home to
Thank you
Thank you so much
I will not be the girl
stuck at home in the 'burbs
With the baby the dog
and the garden of herbs
I will not be the girl
in the sensible shoes
Pushing burgers and beer nuts
and missing the clues
I will not be the girl
who gets asked how it feels
To be trotting along
at the genius's heels
I will not be the girl
who requires
a man to get by
and I