THERE'S QUESTIONS
WE'RE ALWAYS HEARING
EVERYWHERE WE GO
LIKE
HOW DO I CUT A RECORD
OR GET ON
A COUNTRY SHOW
WELL IT TAKES MORE
THAN JUST AMBITION
AND THREE CHORDS
ON AN OLD GUITAR
THERE'S A FEW MORE
THINGS
YOU OUGHTA LEARN
TO BE
A COUNTRY STAR
YOU GOTTA LEARN
TO SING LIKE WAYLON
OR PICK
LIKE JERRY REED
YODEL
LIKE JEANIE SHEPARD
OR WRITE SONGS
LIKE TOM T
PUT A CRY
IN YOUR VOICE
LIKE HAGGARD
LEARN SPANISH
LIKE JOHNNY R
WHISPER LIKE
BILL ANDERSON
AND YOU'LL BE
A COUNTRY STAR
PLAY PIANO
LIKE RONNIE MILSAP
OR GILLEY OR JERRY LEE
YOYO LIKE ROY ACUFF
OR TALK PLAIN
LIKE RALPH EMERY
GROWL
LIKE CONWAY TWITTY
GET A RED WHITE
AND BLUE GUITAR
BUILD A SWIMMING POOL
LIKE WEBB DID
AND YOU'LL BE
A COUNTRY STAR
BE TALL
LIKE SONNY JAMES IS
TELL JOKES
LIKE MINNIE PEARL
OR BE SHORT
LIKE JIMMY DICKENS
OR PLAY A FIVE STRING
LIKE EARL
GET A HEADBAND
LIKE WILLIE'S
LEARN TO STUTTER
LIKE Ma MEL
GET A CAP
LIKE ROY CLARK WORE
OR A VOICE
LIKE BARBARA
MANDRELL
BE RICH
LIKE EDDY ARNOLD
SAY YOU'RE MAKING
MORE THAN YOU ARE
GET A GIMMICK
LIKE CHARLEY PRIDE GOT
AND YOU'LL BE
A COUNTRY STAR
BUT IF
YOU HAVE NO TALENT
AND IF YOU'RE NOT
A MALE
IF YOU'RE BUILT
SOMEWHAT
LIKE DOLLY
OR HAVE A FACE LIKE
CRYSTAL GAYLE
COME BACKSTAGE
AND ASK FOR
HAROLD PHIL DON
OR LEW
AND WE'LL SEE YOU GET
AUDITIONED
FOR THE
STATLER BROTHERS'
REVIEW