Well I was takin' a trip
out to L.A.
Tourin' along in my Chevrolet
Tokin' on a number
And diggin' on the radio
Just as I crossed
the Mississippi line
I heard that highway
start to whine
And I knew that left rear tire
was about to go
Well the spare was flat
And I got uptight
'Cause there wasn't
a fillin' station in sight
So I just limped on down
the shoulder on the rim
I went as far as I could
And when I stopped the car
It was right in front
of this little bar
A kind of a red-neck
lookin' joint
Called the Dew Drop lnn
Well I stuffed my hair
up under my hat
And told the bartender
that I had a flat
And would he be kind enough
to give me change for a one
Well there was one thing
that I was sure proud to see
There wasn't a soul
in the place
Except for him and me
And he just looked disgusted
And pointed toward
the telephone
Well I called up a station down
the road a ways
And he said he wasn't
very busy today
And he could have somebody
there in about
ten minutes or so
He said now you just stay
right where you're at
And I didn't bother
to tell the dern fool
That sure as ****
I didn't have any place
else to go
Well I just ordered up a beer
And sat down at the bar
When some guy walked in
and said
Who owns this car
with the peace sign
The mag wheels
and four on the floor
Well he looked at me
and I **** near died
And I decided that
I'd just wait outside
So I laid a dollar
on the bar
And headed for the door
Just when I thought
I'd get out of there with my skin
These five big dudes come
strollin' in
With this one old drunk chick
And some fellow
with green teeth
And I was almost to the door
When the biggest one said
Tip your hat to this lady son
And when I did all that hair
fell out from underneath
Now the last thing I wanted
was to get in a fight
In Jackson Mississippi
on a Saturday night
'Specially when there
was three of them
And only one of me
But they all started laughin'
And I felt kind of sick
And I knew I better think
of somethin' pretty quick
So I just reached out
And kicked old green teeth
right in the knee
Well he let out a yell
that would curl your hair
And before he could move
I grabbed me a chair
And said watch him folks
He's a thoroughly
dangerous man
Well you may not know
it but this man's a spy
He's an undercover
agent for the FBI
He's been sent down here
to infiltrate
the Ku Klux Klan
Well he was still bent over
holdin' on to his knee
But everybody else was
a-lookin' and listenin' to me
And I laid it on thicker
and heavier as I went
I said would you believe
this man has gone as far
as tearin' Wallace stickers
off bumpers of cars
And he voted for
George McGovern
for President
Well he's a friend of
them long-haired hippy
type pinko ****
And I bet you he's even
got a commy flag
Tacked up on the wall
inside his garage
He's a snake in the grass
And I'll tell you guys
He may look dumb
But that's just a disguise
He's a master mind
at the ways of espionage
Well they all started lookin'
real suspicious of him
And he jumped up and said
Now just wait a minute Jim
You know he's lyin'
I been livin' here all of my life
Well I'm a faithful follower
of brother John Birch
And I belong to
the Antioch Baptist Church
And I ain't even got a garage
You can call home
And ask my wife
Then he started
sayin' somethin'
'bout the way I was dressed
And I didn't wait around
to hear the rest
I was too busy movin'
And hopin' I didn't run
out of luck
When I hit the ground
I was makin' tracks
And they were just takin'
my car down off the jacks
So I threw the man
a twenty and jumped in
And fired that muther up
Mario Andretti would
of sure been proud
Of the way I was movin'
when I passed that crowd
Comin' out the door headed
toward me in a trot
And I guess I should have
gone ahead and run
But somehow just couldn't
resist the fun
Of chasin' them all just once
around the parkin' lot
Well they headed for their car
But I hit the gas
and spun around
And headed them
off at the pass
I was slingin' gravel
And puttin' a ton
of dust in the air
Huh well I had 'em all
out there steppin'
And fetchin' like their
heads was on fire
And their **** were catchin' it
But I figured
I'd better go ahead
And split before
the cops got there
When I hit the road
I was really wheelin'
Had gravel flyin'
and rubber squealin'
And I didn't slow down
till I was almost to Arkansas
Well I think I'm gonna
re-route my trip
I wonder if anybody
would think I'd flipped
If I went to L.A. via Omaha