We are high
Long ago and far away
in labyrinths of coral caves
a mystic crystal
was forged in glass
from magic or
some shit like that
Its powers had been
used for good
and all men lived
in brotherhood
Until The Necromancer came
upon his steed
of bones and flame
His prism eyes
with evil gleamed
He stole the crystal
then he screamed
Now gods and men
and all between
shall blow
my necromancing shween
The knights and nobles
of the land
did all they could to
stay his hand
Yet not a single
blow was struck
Alas for he was
strong as fuck
Oh yeah hey
He grabbed the Princess
from her throne
and trapped her
in the crystal stone
The King called in his
wizards three
and begged them
brokenheartedly
Search the forests
search the seas
Search time
and all realities
Two champions are
what I need
to bring my daughter
back to me
Yes my king
it shall be done
the wizards said
And so begun
a wondrous spell
that soon would find
the greatest men
in space and time
And that's where
our story begins
and Danny and Brian come in
There is no quest
from which they'd flee
but right now
they're in New Jersey
Hey Ninja Brian
is that a mystic space portal
behind you
Oh shit
We woke up in
a foreign land
inside a castle
oh so grand
And there atop
a throne of gold
arose the King
so gross and old
I've called you from
the great beyond
to save my daughter
hot and blonde
You've sailed across
the sky and stars
The gods have brought you
here unharmed
Actually your majesty
you just sucked us through
twenty-six dimensions
of space and time
and I've gotta be
completely honest with you
My arms are broken
and I don't know
why my chest is smoking
I will heal you
with my staff
I'm sure we'll look back
on this and laugh
Now go ride toward the sun
atop these noble steeds
You're our spandex heroes now
Fulfill your destinies
And so we turned and rode
beyond the castle walls
With shining codpiece armor
that doth cradled
our chivalrous ball
Oh ooh
Ooh
Ooh
Oh ooh
Ooh-alls
The sky grew dark
and the road was narrow
But I knew
we'd never be led astray
Brian brought his magic arrows
They were blessed
to light our righteous way
Ah
Brian
do you think you could
please warn me
before you're about
to light our righteous way
Oh god
Alright fine
whatever man
Let's ride
The trees were twisted
and the air was thick
T'was clear his domain
was as evil as dick
We passed through the gloom
of the Forest of Fear
Then the Pits of Disgust
and the Dark Swamp of Tears
Then off in the
distance so clear
The cold gray peak
of Mount Nasty appeared
Past the Fields of Annoyance
and Dragon Barf Junction
and the treacherous
Cliffs of Erectile Dysfunction
Now Brian has
erectile dysfunction
Only Brian though
I know it's weird
We arrived
at the evil one's hall
And dismounted our
trusty steeds with resolve
We hugged them goodbye
and promised we'd never quit
Then they ran straight away
for they gave not a shit
Moonlight rose over the door
Lit all of the jewels
and the skulls on the floor
We felt no terror
as we entered the cave
Unless the bells of doom tolled
we knew we'd be safe
We knew we'd be safe
We knew we'd be sa-
Oh fuck
Colored gemstones
lit up the wall
They formed a rainbow trail
up to a giant waterfall
And there
the Necromancer grinned
The Princess stood frozen
Yet still so hot beside him
Damn
Then I heard a voice
in my mind
T'was the Princess
She said
Danny your heart is kind
Only light can stop dark
I knew what she spoke of
To defeat the Necromancer
I had to use love
Oh-oh
Stand back Brian
I'm going to hug him
He immediately shattered
both my legs
and threw me across the room
I probably should have
brought some weapons
I thought as I flew
Then Ninja Brian
picked me up
because he's a good friend
Then he used my body
like a club
to beat our enemy to death
I should have been in more pain
than could ever be spoken
Luckily I felt nothing
because my back
was totes broken
Oh the Necromancer was dead
and the crystal broke in three
I looked up
into the light and saw
the Princess was now free
Brian she's so beautiful
Roll me to her
We journeyed gladly
toward the King
His lands now green
with the life of spring
He leapt up
and wept at the sight
of his girl
as she carried me
through the night
Heal this man wizards
he cried with delight
Which they did
goddamn they keep their
magic game tight
But sadly it was time to leave
so The King said
fix Brian's E.D.
And hooray for
Ninja Sex Party
Look Ninja Brian
the portal back home is opening
Now fare thee well
it seems that our journey
is at an end
We will be here
if you should ever need
our help again
We walked away
but stopped and turned before
we took our last step
Brian killed a guy
real quick to make sure he
maintained his rep
We all have our
battles to fight
And a crystal cage
to break through in our lives
But when hope is gone
we will be there to help you
rock the fuck on