ME AND EARL
WAS HAULIN' CHICKENS
ON THE FLATBED
OUTTA WIGGINS
AND WE'D SPENT
ALL NIGHT ON THE
UPHILL SIDE OF
THIRTY-SEVEN MILES
OF HELL CALLED
WOLF CRICK PASS
WHICH IS UP ON
THE GREAT DIVIDE
AND WE WAS
SITTIN' THERE
SUCKIN' TOOTHPICKS
AND DRINKIN' NEHIS
AND ONION SOUP MIX
AND I SAYS EARL
LET'S MAIL A CARD
TO MOTHER AND THEN
SEND THEM CHICKENS
ON DOWN T'OTHER SIDE
YEAH LET'S
GIVE 'EM A RIDE
WELL EARL PUT DOWN
HIS BOTTLE
MASHED HIS FOOT DOWN
ON THE THROTTLE
AND THEN A
COUPLE-A BOOBS WITH
A THOUSAND CUBES
IN THE 1948 PETERBILT
SCREAMED TO LIFE
WE WOKE UP
THE CHICKENS
WE ROARED UP OFFA
THAT SHOULDER
SPRAYIN' PINE CONES
ROCKS AND BOULDERS
AND PUT FOUR HUNDRED
HEAD OF THEM
RHODE ISLAND REDS
AND A COUPLE-A
BURNT-OUT ROOSTERS
ON THE LINE
LOOK OUT BELOW
'CAUSE HERE WE GO
WELL WE COMMENCED
TO TRUCKIN'
AND THEM HENS
COMMENCED TO
CLUCKIN'
THEN EARL
TOOK OUT A MATCH AND
SCRATCHED HIS PANTS
AND LIT UP
THE UNUSED HALF
OF A DOLLAR CIGAR
AND TOOK A PUFF
SAYS MY AIN'T THIS
PRETTY UP HERE
I SAYS EARL
THIS HILL CAN SPILL US
YOU BETTER SLOW DOWN
OR YOU GON' KILL US
JUST MAKE ONE MISTAKE
AND IT'S THE
PEARLY GATES FOR
THEM EIGHTY-FIVE
CRATES OF
USDA-APPROVED
CLUCKERS
YOU WANNA HIT SECOND
WELL EARL GRABBED ON
THE SHIFTER AND
HE STABBED HER INTO
FIFTH GEAR
AND THEN
THE CHROMIUM-PLATED
FULLY-ILLUMINATED
GENUINE ACCESSORY
SHIFT KNOB
COME RIGHT OFF
IN HIS HAND
I SAYS YOU WANNA
SCREW THAT THING
BACK ON EARL
HE WAS TRYIN' TO
THREAD IT ON THERE
WHEN THE FIRE FELL
OFFA HIS CIGAR
AND DROPPED ON DOWN
SORTA ROLLED AROUND
AND THEN LIT
THE CUFF-A EARL'S PANTS
AND BURNED A HOLE
IN HIS SOCK
YEAH SORTA
SET HIM RIGHT ON FIRE
I LOOKED ON
OUTTA THE WINDOW
AND I STARTED COUNTIN'
PHONE POLES GOIN' BY
AT THE RATE OF FOUR
TO THE SEVENTH POWER
WELL I PUT TWO AND TWO
TOGETHER AND
ADDED TWELVE
AND CARRIED FIVE
AND COME UP WITH
TWENTY-TWO THOUSAND
TELEPHONE POLES
AN HOUR
I LOOKED AT EARL
AND HIS EYES WAS WIDE
HIS LIP WAS CURLED
AND HIS LEG WAS FRIED
AND HIS HANDS
WAS FROZE TO
THE WHEEL LIKE
A TONGUE TO A SLED
IN THE MIDDLE
OF A BLIZZARD
AND I SAYS EARL
I'M NOT THE TYPE
TO COMPLAIN
BUT THE TIME HAS COME
FOR ME TO EXPLAIN
THAT IF YOU DON'T APPLY
SOME BRAKE REAL SOON
THEY'RE GON' HAVE TO
PICK US UP WITH A STICK
AND A SPOON
WELL EARL RARED BACK
COCKED HIS LEG AND
STEPPED DOWN AS HARD
AS HE COULD
ON THE BRAKE AND
THE PEDAL WENT
CLEAR TO THE FLOOR AND
STAYED RIGHT THERE
ON THE FLOOR
DID STAY AND HE SAYS
IT'S SORTA LIKE
STEPPIN' ON A PLUM
WELL FROM THERE
ON DOWN IT JUST
WASN'T REAL PRETTY
IT WAS HAIRPIN COUNTY
AND SWITCHBACK CITY
ONE OF 'EM LOOKED
LIKE A CAN FULLA WORMS
ANOTHER ONE LOOKED
LIKE MALARIA GERMS
RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF
THE WHOLE DAMN SHOW
WAS A REAL NICE TUNNEL
NOW WOULDN'T YA KNOW
SIGN SAYS
CLEARANCE AT THE
TWELVE-FOOT LINE
BUT THE CHICKENS
WAS STACKED TO
THIRTEEN-NINE
WELL WE SHOT
THAT TUNNEL UNDER
HUNDRED AND TEN
LIKE GAS
THROUGH A FUNNEL
AND EGGS
THROUGH A HEN
WE TOOK THAT TOP ROW
OF CHICKENS OFF
SLICKER THAN SCUM OFF
A LOUISIANA SWAMP
WENT DOWN AND
AROUND AND AROUND
AND DOWN
WE RUN OUTTA GROUND
AT THE EDGE OF TOWN
AND BASHED INTO THE
SIDE OF A FEED STORE
IN DOWNTOWN
PAGOSA SPRINGS