I am the very model of
a modern Major-General
I've information
vegetable, animal
and mineral
I know the kings of
England and I quote the
fights historical from
Marathon to Waterloo
in order categorical
I'm very well
acquainted too with
matters mathematical
I understand equations
both the simple
and quadratical
About binomial theorem
I'm teeming with
a lot o' news
With many cheerful
facts about the
square of
the hypotenuse
I'm very good at
integral and
differential calculus
I know the scientific
names of
beings animalculous
In short, in matters
vegetable, animal
and mineral I am the
very model of a
modern Major-General
I know our mythic history
King Arthur's and
Sir Caradoc's
I answer hard acrostics
I've a pretty taste
for paradox
I quote in elegiacs
all the crimes
of Heliogabalus
in conics I can floor
peculiarities parablous
I can tell undoubted
Raphaels from
Gerard Dows
and Zoffanies
I know the croaking
chorus from the
Frogs of Aristophanes
Then I can hum a fugue
of which I've heard
the music's din afore
And whistle all the
airs from that infernal
nonsense Pinafore
Then I can write a
washing bill in
Babylonic cuneiform
and tell you every detail
of Caractacus's uniform
In short, in matters
vegetable, animal
and mineral I am the
very model of a
modern Major-General
In fact, when I know
what is meant by
"mamelon" and "ravelin"
When I can tell at
sight a Mauser rifle
from a javelin
When such affairs as
sorties and surprises
I'm more wary at
And when I know
precisely what is
meant by "commissariat"
When I have learnt
what progress has
been made in
modern gunnery
When I know more
of tactics than a
novice in a nunnery
In short, when I've
a smattering of
elemental strategy
Strategy?
Battegy, chattegy
Ah!
You'll say a better
Major-General has
never sat a gee
For my
military knowledge
though I'm plucky
and adventury
Has only been brought
down to the beginning
of the century
But still, in matters
vegetable, animal
and mineral I am the
very model of a
modern Major-General