I'm an ordinary man
Who desires nothing
More than just the
Ordinary chance
To live exactly
As he likes
And do precisely
What he wants
An average man
Am I
Of no eccentric
Whim
Who wants to
Live his life
Free of strife
Doing whatever he
Thinks is best
For him just
An ordinary man
But let a woman
In your life
And your serenity
Is through
She'll redecorate
Your home
From the cellar
To the dome
Then get on to the
Enthralling fun of
Overhauling you
Oh let a woman
In your life
And you are up
Against the wall
Make a plan and
You will find
She has something
Else in mind
And so rather than
Do either you do
Something else that
Neither likes at all
You want to talk
Of Keats or Milton
She only wants
To talk of love
You go to see a play
Or ballet and
Spend it searching
For her glove
Oh let a woman
In your life
And you invite
Eternal strife
Let them buy their
Wedding bands
For those anxious
Little hands
I'd be equally as
Willing for a dentist
To be drilling
Than to ever let
A woman in my life
I'm a very
Gentle man
Even-tempered
And good-natured
Whom you never
Hear complain
Who has the milk of
Human kindness
By the quart
In every vein
A patient man am I
Down to
My fingertips
The sort who
Never could
Ever would
Let an insulting
Remark escape
His lips just
A very gentle man
But let a woman
In your life
And patience
Hasn't got a chance
She will beg you
For advice
Your reply will be
Concise
And she'll listen very
Nicely then go out
And do precisely
What she wants
You were a man of
Grace and polish
Who never spoke
Above a hush
Now all at once
You're using
Language that would
Make a sailor blush
Oh let a woman
In your life and
You are plunging in
The knife
Let the others
Of my sex
Tie the knot
Around their necks
I'd prefer a
New edition of the
Spanish inquisition
Than to ever let
A woman in my life
I'm a quiet-living
Man
Who prefers to
Spend his evenings
In the silence
Of his room
Who likes
An atmosphere
As restful as an
Undiscovered tomb
A pensive man am I
Of philosophic joys
Who likes to
Meditate
Contemplate
Free from
Humanity's mad
Inhuman noise just
A quiet-living man
But let a woman
In your life
And your sabbatical
Is through
In a line that
Never ends
Come an army
Of her friends
Come to jabber
And to chatter and
To tell her what the
Matter is with you
She'll have a
Booming
Boist'rous family
Who will
Descend on you
En masse
She'll have a large
Wagnerian mother
With a voice that
Shatters glass
Oh let a woman
In your life
Let a woman
In your life
Let a woman
In your life
I shall never let
A woman
In my life