I KNOW SEYMOUR'S
THE GREATEST
BUT I'M DATING A SEMI-SADIST
SO, I GOT A BLACK EYE
AND MY ARM'S IN A CAST
STILL, THAT SEYMOUR'S A CUTIE
OH, WELL, IF NOT
HE'S GOT INNER BEAUTY
AND I DREAM OF A PLACE
WHERE WE COULD BE
TOGETHER AT LAST
A MATCHBOX OF OUR OWN
A FENCE OF REAL CHAIN LINK
A GRILL OUT ON THE PATIO
DISPOSAL IN THE SINK
A WASHER AND A DRYER
AND AN IRONING MACHINE
IN A TRACT HOUSE
THAT WE SHARE
SOMEWHERE THAT'S GREEN
HE RAKES AND TRIMS THE GRASS
HE LOVES TO MOW AND WEED
I COOK LIKE BETTY CROCKER
AND I LOOK LIKE DONNA REED
THERE'S PLASTIC
ON THE FURNITURE
TO KEEP IT NEAT AND CLEAN
IN THE PINE-SOL SCENTED AIR
SOMEWHERE THAT'S GREEN
BETWEEN OUR FROZEN DINNER
AND OUR BEDTIME, NINE-FIFTEEN
WE SNUGGLE WATCHING LUCY
ON OUR BIG, ENORMOUS
TWELVE-INCH SCREEN
I'M... HIS DECEMBER BRIDE
HE'S FATHER, HE KNOWS BEST
THE KIDS PLAY HOWDY DOODY
AS THE SUN SETS IN THE WEST
A PICTURE
OUT OF BETTER HOMES
AND GARDENS MAGAZINE...
FAR FROM SKID ROW
I... DREAM WE'LL GO
SOMEWHERE THAT'S GREEN...