When I was younger
Just a bad little kid
My mama noticed
funny things I did
Like shootin' puppies
with a BB gun
I'd poison guppies
And when I was done
I'd find a pussycat
and bash its head
That's when my mama said
She said my boy
I think someday
You'll find a way
To make your natural
tendencies pay
You'll be a dentist
You have a talent for
causin' things pain
Son be a dentist
People will pay you
to be inhumane
Your temp'rament's wrong
for the priesthood
And teaching would
suit you still less
Son be a dentist
You'll be a success
Oh shut up open wide
Here I come
I am your dentist
And I enjoy the career
that I picked
I am your dentist
And I get off on the pain
I inflict
I thrill
when I drill a bicuspid
It's swell
Though they tell me
I'm maladjusted
And though it may cause
My patients distress
Somewhere somewhere
In heaven above me
I know I know
My mama's proud of me
Oh mama
'Cause I'm a dentist
and a success
Say ah
Say ah
Say ah
Now spit