Welcome Monsieur
Sit yourself down
And meet the best
innkeeper in town
As for the rest
All of them crooks
Rooking the guests
and cooking the books
Seldom do you see
Honest men like me
A gent of good intent
who's content to be
Master of the house
Doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake
and an open palm
Tells a saucy tale
Makes a little stir
Customers appreciate
the bon viveur
Glad to do a friend a favor
Doesn't cost me to be nice
But nothing gets you nothing
Everything has got a little price
Master of the house
Keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve them
of a sou or two
Watering the wine
Making up the weight
Picking up their knickknacks
when they can't see straight
Everybody loves a landlord
Everybody's bosom friend
I do whatever pleases Jesus
don't I bleed 'em in the end
Master of the house
Quick to catch your eye
Never wants a passerby
to pass him by
Servant to the poor
Butler to the great
Comforter philosopher
and lifelong mate
Everybody's boon companion
Everybody's chaperone
But lock up your valises
Jesus won't I skin you
to the bone
Enter Monsieur
Lay down your load
Unlace your boots
and rest from the road
This weighs a ton
Travel's a curse
But here we strive
to lighten your purse
Here the goose is cooked
Here the fat is fried
And nothing's overlooked
'til I'm satisfied
Food beyond compare
Food beyond belief
Mix it in a mincer
and pretend it's beef
Kidney of a horse
Liver of a cat
Filling up the sausages
with this and that
Residents are more
than welcome
Bridal suite is occupied
Reasonable charges plus
some little extras on the side
Charge 'em for the lice
Extra for the mice
Two percent for looking
in the mirror twice
Here a little slice
There a little cut
Three percent for sleeping
with the window shut
When it comes to fixing prices
There are lots of tricks
he knows
How it all increases
All them bits and pieces
Jesus it's amazing
how it grows
Master of the house
Quick to catch your eye
Never wants a passerby
to pass him by
Servant to the poor
Butler to the great
Comforter philosopher
and lifelong mate
Everybody's boon companion
Give 'em everything I've got
Dirty bunch of geezers
Jesus what a sorry little lot
I used to dream that
I would meet a prince
But God almighty have you
seen what's happened since
Master of the house
isn't worth my spit
Comforter philosopher
and lifelong ****
Cunning little brain
Regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover
But there's not much there
What a cruel trick of nature
Landed me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted
living with that *******
in the house
Master of the house
Master and a half
Comforter philosopher
Don't make me laugh
Servant to the poor
Butler to the great
Hypocrite and toady
and inebriate
Everybody bless our landlord
Everybody bless his spouse
Raise it up the master's ***
Everybody raise a glass
to the master of the house