GRANDPA
GOT RUNNED OVER
BY A JOHN DEERE
'A WALKIN' HOME
FROM THE MOOSE LODGE
CHRISTMAS EVE
NOW YOU CAN SAY
THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS SANTA
BUT AFTER SUIN'
JOHN DEERE
I BELIEVE
HE'D BEEN 'A GUZZLIN'
OLD JACK DANIELS
AND 'A SMOKIN'
THAT WACKY WEED
HE MIXED IT
WITH HIS MEDICATION
AND RUNNED OFF
WITH SOME BLEACH
BLONDE
NAMED BERNICE
WHEN WE FOUND HIM
CHRISTMAS MORNIN'
WE THOUGHT HE'D HAD
A HEART ATTACK
BUT HE HAD TIRE PRINTS
ON HIS FOREHEAD
AND INCRIMINATING
HICKIES
ON HIS NECK
GRANDPA
GOT RUNNED OVER
BY A JOHN DEERE
'A WALKIN' HOME
FROM THE MOOSE LODGE
CHRISTMAS EVE
NOW YOU CAN SAY
THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS SANTA
BUT AFTER SUIN'
JOHN DEERE
I BELIEVE
NOW WE'RE ALL
ASHAMED OF GRANDPA
HE TOOK GRANDMA'S
DEATH
TOO WELL
STARTED WATCHIN'
PORNO MOVIES
AND ENGAGING
IN PHONE SEX
WITH COUSIN NELL
IT'S A BETTER
CHRISTMAS
WITHOUT GRANDPA
LAST YEAR IN CHURCH
HE MOONED THE CHOIR
AT FIRST WE THOUGHT IT
WAS ALZHEIMER'S
BUT LOOKIN' BACK
WE REALIZE
HE WAS WIRED
GRANDPA
GOT RUNNED OVER
BY A JOHN DEERE
'A WALKIN' HOME
FROM THE MOOSE LODGE
CHRISTMAS EVE
NOW YOU CAN SAY
THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS SANTA
BUT AFTER SUIN'
JOHN DEERE
I BELIEVE
YEAH I FILED MYSELF
A LAWSUIT
AND THEY AWARDED ME
TWO MIL
YOU KNOW GRANDPA
DIDN'T LEAVE ME
NOTHIN'
BUT THANKS
TO THAT OLD JOHN DEERE
HE GOT KILLED
FUNNY ALL
MY FRIENDS
AND NEIGHBORS
TURNED UP ON
THE GRAND JURY
I BRIBED 'EM JUST LIKE
JOHNNY COCHRAN
DID WHEN THEY SENT
OJ SIMPSON FREE
GRANDPA
GOT RUNNED OVER
BY A JOHN DEERE
'A WALKIN' HOME
FROM THE MOOSE LODGE
CHRISTMAS EVE
NOW YOU CAN SAY
THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS SANTA
BUT AFTER SUIN'
JOHN DEERE
I BELIEVE
GRANDPA
GOT RUNNED OVER
BY A JOHN DEERE
'A WALKIN' HOME
FROM THE MOOSE LODGE
CHRISTMAS EVE
NOW YOU CAN SAY
THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS SANTA
BUT AFTER SUIN'
JOHN DEERE
I BELIEVE