HEY, FOLKS!
BEGGIN' YOUR PARDON
'SCUSE ME! SORRY TO BARGE IN
NOW LET'S SKIP THE TEARS
AND START ON THE WHOLE
Y'KNOW, BEIN' DEAD THING
YOU'RE DOOMED
ENJOY THE SINGIN'
THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES
IS SWINGIN'
AND IF I HEAR
YOUR CELL PHONE RINGIN'
I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF
THE WHOLE BEIN' DEAD THING
DEATH CAN GET
A PERSON STRESSED
WE SHOULD HAVE CARPE'D
WAY MORE DIEMS
NOW WE'RE NEVER
GONNA SEE 'EM!
I CAN SHOW YOU
WHAT COMES NEXT
SO, DON'T BE FREAKED
STAY IN YOUR SEATS
I DO THIS BULLSHIT
LIKE, EIGHT TIMES A WEEK
SO, JUST RELAX, YOU'LL BE FINE
DRINK YOUR FIFTY-DOLLAR WINE
AND TAKE A BREATH
YOU'RE...
YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE...
ON THE OTHER SIDE...
DIE! YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
I'LL...
I'LL BE YOUR GUIDE...
TO THE OTHER SIDE...
EVERYBODY GETS ON FINE HERE
LIKE RODGERS, HART
AND HAMMERSTEIN HERE
THE WOMEN'S BATHROOM
HAS NO LINE HERE
JUST PEE WHERE YOU WANT
THE WHOLE BEIN' DEAD THING
YOU'RE JUST GONNA
LOVE THE FOLKS HERE
YEAH, I KNOW YOU'RE WOKE
BUT YOU CAN TAKE A JOKE HERE
AND EVERY SHOW I DO
LIKE, A TON OF COKE HERE
THE WHOLE, MMM... YEAH
THE WHOLE BEIN' DEAD THING
NOBODY IS BULLETPROOF
I WORK OUT, I EAT CLEAN
JESUS, PASS THE DRAMAMINE
TIME TO FACE
THE BRUTAL TRUTH
'CAUSE WE'RE ALL ON A HIT LIST
MIGHT NOT LIVE 'TIL CHRISTMAS
CHOKE TO DEATH ON TRISCUITS
HEY, THAT'S JUST STATISTICS
SO, TAKE A LITTLE BREAK HERE
KINDA LIKE A WAKE HERE
THE SCENERY IS FAKE HERE
BUT THERE'S
A GIANT SNAKE HERE
YOU'RE... YOU'RE GONNA
BE FINE, THANK YOU!
ON THE OTHER SIDE
HOW YOU DOIN'
OH, NOT GOOD! BA-BA-BA-BA
BE-BO-BOO-BAP-BOOP!
I'LL... HEY!
I'LL BE YOUR GUIDE
TO THE OTHER SIDE...
SERIOUSLY, THOUGH
THIS IS A SHOW ABOUT DEATH
Spoken...
IF YOU DIE WHILE
LISTENIN' TO THIS ALBUM
IT'S STILL GONNA KEEP PLAYIN'
Resume Singing...
THAT'S THE THING WITH LIFE
NO ONE MAKES IT OUT ALIVE
TOSS THAT BODY IN THE PIT
GOSH, IT'S AWFUL
AIN'T IT TRAGIC
BLAH-BLAH, BIBLE
JESUS MAGIC
WHEN YOU'RE DEAD
WHO GIVES A SHIT
NO PILATES, NO MORE YOGA
NAMASTE, YOU FREAKIN' POSERS
FROM THE CRADLE
TO CREMATION
DEATH JUST NEEDS
A LITTLE CONVERSATION
I HAVE MASTERED THE ART
OF TEARIN' CONVENTION APART
SO, HOW ABOUT
WE ALL MAKE A START
ON THE WHOLE
BEIN' DEAD THING
GOD, I HOPE YOU'RE READY
FOR A SHOW ABOUT DEATH!