Freda and Barry
sat one night
The sky was clear
The stars
were bright
The wind was soft
The moon was up
Freda drained
her cocoa cup
She licked her lips,
she felt sublime
She switched off
Gardeners' Question
Time
Barry cringed in
fear and dread
As Freda grabbed
his tie and said:
Let's do it
Let's do it
Do it while the
mood is right
I'm feeling
Appealing
I've really got
an appetite
I'm on fire
With desire
I could handle half
the tenors in a
male voice choir
Let's do it
Let's do it
tonight
But he said
I can't do it
I can't do it
I don't believe in
too much sex
This fashion
For passion
Turns us into
nervous wrecks
No derision
My decision
I'd rather watch
The Spinners on
the television
I can't do it
I can't do it
tonight
So she said:
Let's do it
Let's do it
Do it till our
hearts go boom
Go native
Creative
Living in the
living room
This folly
Is jolly
Bend me over
backwards on me
Hostess trolley
Let's do it
Let's do it
tonight
But he said:
I can't do it
I can't do it
Me 'eavy breathing
days have gone
I'm older
Feel colder
It's other things
that turn me on
I'm imploring
I'm boring
Let me read this
catalogue on
vinyl flooring
I can't do it
I can't do it
tonight
So she said:
Let's do it!
Let's do it
Have a crazy
night of love
I'll strip bare
I'll just wear
Stilettos and
an oven glove
Don't starve a
girl of a palaver
Dangle from the
wardrobe in
your Balaclava
Let's do it!
Let's do it
tonight
But he said:
I can't do it
I can't do it
I know I'd only
get it wrong
Don't angle
for me to dangle
Me arms 'ave never
been that strong
Stop pouting
Stop shouting
You know I pulled
a muscle when I
did that grouting
I can't do it
I can't do it
tonight
Let's do it
Let's do it
Share a night
of wild romance
Frenetic
Poetic
This could be your
last big chance
To quote Milton
To eat Stilton
To roll in gay
abandon on the
tufted Wilton
Let's do it
Let's do it
tonight
I can't do it
I can't do it
I've got other
little jobs
on hand
Don't grouse
around the house
I've got a busy
evening planned
Stop nagging
I'm flagging
You know as well
as I do that the
pipes want lagging
I can't do it
I can't do it
tonight
Let's do it
Let's do it
While I'm really
in the mood
Three cheers
It's years
since I caught you
even semi-nude
Get drastic
Gymnastic
Wear your baggy
Y-fronts with the
loose elastic
Let's do it
Let's do it
tonight
I can't do it
I can't do it
I must refuse to
get undressed
I feel silly
It's too chilly
to go without me
thermal vest
Don't choose me
Don't use me
Me mother sent
a note to say you
must excuse me
I can't do it
I can't do it
tonight
Let's do it
Let's do it
I feel I
absolutely must
I won't exempt you
Want to tempt you
Want to drive you
mad with lust
No cautions
Just contortions
Smear an avocado
on me lower portions
Let's do it
Let's do it
tonight
I can't do it
I can't do it
It's really not
my cup of tea
I'm harassed
Embarrassed
I wish you hadn't
picked on me
No barter
Non starter
I feel about as
sensuous as
Jimmy Carter
I can't do it
I can't do it
tonight...
Let's do it
Let's do it
I really want
to run amok
Let's wiggle
Let's jiggle
Let's really make
the rafters rock
Be mighty
Be flighty
Come and melt the
buttons on me
flameproof nightie
Let's do it!
Let's do it
tonight....
Let's do it
Let's do it
I really want to
rant and rave
Let's go
'Cause I know
Just how I want
you to behave
Not bleakly
Not meekly
Beat me on the
bottom with a
Woman's Weekly
Let's do it
Let's do it
to-night........