A more humane Mikado
never did in Japan exist
to nobody second
I'm certainly reckon'd
a true philanthropist
It is my very humane
endeavour to make
to some extent
Each evil liver
a running river
of harmless merriment
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time
To let the punishment
fit the crime
the punishment
fit the crime
And make each
pris'ner pent
unwillingly represent
A source of innocent
merriment
of innocent merriment!
All prosy dull
society sinners
who chatter and
bleat and bore
Are sent to hear sermons
from mystical Germans
who preach from
ten until four
The amateur tenor
whose vocal villainies
all desire to shirk
Shall during off-hours
exhibit his powers
to Madame Tussaud's
waxwork
The lady who dyes
a chemical yellow
or stains her
grey hair puce
Or pinches her figger
is painted with vigour
and permanent
walnut juice
The idiot who
in railway carriages
scribbles on
window-panes
We only suffer
to ride on a buffer
in Parliament'ry trains
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time
To let the punishment
fit the crime
the punishment
fit the crime
And make each
pris'ner pent
unwillingly represent
A source of innocent
merriment
of innocent merriment!
His object all sublime
he will achieve in time
To let the punishment
fit the crime
the punishment
fit the crime
And make each
pris'ner pent
unwillingly represent
A source of innocent
merriment
of innocent merriment!
The advertising quack
who wearies
with tales of
countless cures
His teeth I've enacted
shall all be extracted
by terrified amateurs
The music-hall singer
attends a series
of masses and fugues
and "ops"
By Bach interwoven
with Spohr and Beethoven
and classical Monday
Pops
The billiard sharp
whom anyone catches
his doom's extremely hard
He's made to dwell
in a dungeon cell
on a spot that's
always barr'd
And there he plays
extravagant matches
in fitless finger-stalls
On a cloth untrue
with a twisted cue
and elliptical billiard balls!
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time
To let the punishment
fit the crime
the punishment
fit the crime
And make each
prisn'er pent
unwillingly represent
A source of innocent
merriment
of innocent merriment!
His object all sublime
he will achieve in time
To let the punishment
fit the crime
the punishment
fit the crime
And make each
pris'ner pent
unwillingly represent
A source of innocent
merriment
of innocent merriment!