I CAME CRAWLING
HOME LAST NIGHT
LIKE MANY NIGHTS
BEFORE
FINALLY MADE IT
TO MY FEET
AS SHE OPENED
UP THE DOOR
AND SHE SAID
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
DO THIS ANYMORE
SHE SAID I'M GONNA
HIRE A WINO
TO DECORATE
OUR HOME
SO YOU'LL FEEL
MORE AT EASE HERE
AND YOU WON'T
NEED TO ROAM
WE'LL TAKE OUT
THE DINING ROOM TABLE
WE'LL PUT A BAR
ALONG THAT WALL
AND A NEON SIGN
WILL POINT THE WAY
TO OUR BATHROOM
DOWN THE HALL
SHE SAID
JUST BRING THOSE
FRIDAY PAYCHECKS
AND I'LL CASH 'EM ALL
RIGHT HERE
AND I'LL KEEP ON TAP
FOR ALL YOUR FRIENDS
THEIR FAVORITE
KIND OF BEER
AND FOR YOU
I'LL ALWAYS
KEEP IN STOCK
THOSE SOFT
ALUMINUM CANS
AND WHEN YOU'RE
FEELING MACHO
YOU CAN CRUSH 'EM
LIKE A MAN
SHE SAID WE'LL RIP OUT
ALL THE CARPET
AND PUT SAWDUST
ON THE FLOOR
SERVE HARD BOILED
EGGS
AND PRETZELS
AND I WON'T
COOK NO MORE
THERE'LL BE
MONDAY NIGHT
FOOTBALL ON TV
ABOVE THE BAR
AND A PAY PHONE
IN THE HALLWAY
WHEN YOUR FRIENDS
CAN'T FIND THEIR CAR
SHE SAID I'M GONNA
HIRE A WINO
TO DECORATE
OUR HOME
SO YOU'LL FEEL MORE
AT EASE HERE
AND YOU WON'T NEED
TO ROAM
WE'LL TAKE OUT
THE DINING ROOM TABLE
AND PUT A BAR
ALONG THAT WALL
AND A NEON SIGN
WILL POINT THE WAY
TO OUR BATHROOM
DOWN THE HALL
SHE SAID YOU'LL GET
FRIENDLY SERVICE
AND FOR ADDED
ATMOSPHERE
I'LL SLIP ON
SOMETHING SEXY
AND I'LL CUT IT
CLEAR TO HERE
THEN YOU CAN
SLAP MY BOTTOM
EVERY TIME
YOU TELL A JOKE
JUST AS LONG
AS YOU KEEP TIPPING
WELL I'LL LAUGH
UNTIL YOU'RE BROKE
SHE SAID INSTEAD OF
FAMILY QUARRELS
WE'LL HAVE
A BAR ROOM BRAWL
AND WHEN
THE HAMM'S BEAR SAYS
IT'S CLOSIN' TIME
YOU WON'T HAVE
FAR TO CRAWL
AND WHEN YOU
RUN OUT OF MONEY
YOU'LL HAVE ME
TO THANK
YOU CAN SLEEP IT OFF
NEXT MORNING
WHILE I'M PUTTIN' IT
IN THE BANK
SHE SAID I'M GONNA
HIRE A WINO
TO DECORATE
OUR HOME
SO YOU'LL FEEL MORE
AT EASE HERE
AND YOU WON'T
NEED TO ROAM
THEN WHEN
YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS
GET OFF FROM WORK
AND YOU HAVE
A POWERFUL THIRST
WELL THERE WON'T BE
ANY REASON WHY
YOU CAN'T STOP
OFF HERE FIRST
SHE SAID I'M GONNA
HIRE A WINO
TO DECORATE
OUR HOME
SO YOU'LL FEEL MORE
AT EASE HERE
AND YOU WON'T
NEED TO ROAM
WE'LL TAKE OUT
THE DINING ROOM TABLE
WE'LL PUT A BAR
ALONG THAT WALL
AND A NEON SIGN
WILL POINT THE WAY
TO OUR BATHROOM
DOWN THE HALL
SHE SAID I'M GONNA
HIRE A WINO
TO DECORATE
OUR HOME
SO YOU'LL FEEL MORE
AT EASE HERE
AND YOU WON'T
NEED TO ROAM
WE'LL TAKE OUT
THE DINING ROOM TABLE
AND PUT A BAR
ALONG THAT WALL
AND A NEON SIGN
TO POINT THE WAY
TO OUR BATHROOM
DOWN THE HALL