I was sittin' in Friday's
suckin' on a glass of wine
When in walked a chick
who almost struck me blind
She had wet blue eyes
and her legs
were long and fine
On a scale of one to ten
I'd give her a nine
Now on my scale
there ain't no ten's
you know
Nine is about
as far as
any chick can go
So I flashed her a smile
but she didn't even
look at me
So for brains
and good judgement
I'd give her a three
I said
Hey sweet thing
you look like a possible eight
You and me
could make eighteen
if your head's on straight
Well she looked
up and down
my perfect frame
And she said these words
that burned in my perfect brain
She said
Well another one of
those machomatician men
The kind to grade
all women on a scale
of one to ten
And you gave me an eight
well that's a generous thing to do
Now let's just see
just how much I give you
She said
You comin' on to me
with that corny
numbers jive
And your style
makes me smile
I give it a five
When you walked up
I noticed
that suit you wore
It's last year's
double knit frayed cuffs
give that a four
And that must be your car
parked out on the curb
That sixty nine homemade
convertible a three and a third
Now as for that build
I guess you're less than five
Except for your pot belly
I'd give that a ten for size
Now that wine
you're pourin'
might be fine to you
But I'm used to fine
Champagne
I give it a two
And it's hard to tell
what your flashin' smile is worth
I give it a six
you could use
a little dental work
But it's your struttin'
rooster act
that really makes me laugh
It may be a ten
to these country hens
but to me
just three and a half
And there really ain't much
to add once
the subtractin's done
And since there ain't no zeroes
I give you a one
Well she walked out
while up and down the line
The whole bar
was laughin' said
Hey Bare
what happened to your nine
Nine says
Ah hell soon as
she started talkin'
I knew
Sure didn't have any class
I barely gave her a two
Yeah no matter how good
they look at first
There's flaws
in all of them
That's why
on a scale of ten
to one friend
There ain't no tens